After the silly year of 2020, when facts, science, and environmental issues were pushed to the sidelines by even the most powerful governments, it should come as no surprise to anyone that our planet Earth has recently become the subject of extraterrestrial visitations. It must have become universally apparent that humans need some serious spanking.

Living in Toronto, the current epicenter of extra-terrestrial activities, I feel compelled to shed some light on the recent para-phenomena which occurred right in front of our condo. Through video footage captured by my webcam, and images taken by our fellow neighborly humans, we can chronicle the whole sequence of the mysterious events. In spite of a brisk “Warp Speed” cover-up operation conducted by Toronto city workers, the facts of Humber Bay Park’s recent days can never be fully erased. The Truth is out There!

December 31, 2020: As you can see in the video below, a small delivery truck followed by a personal vehicle enters the scene – Humber Bay Park East – at 02:30am EST. Some skeptical earthlings may ask: “Why would sophisticated little green men choose such an ordinary and low-tech approach?” Well … A person has to understand that this is the Humber Bay Park community that we are talking about! The human residents of the surrounding skyscrapers tend to call 911 immediately when anything remotely suspicious starts to take place, all the way down to grebes falling off their artificial nests after being disturbed by pesky kayakers. To slip unnoticed past these sleepless window-watchers is serious business. The most terrestrial and unobtrusive method actually makes perfect sense.

And then? There was nothing. Just darkness. For more than an hour, nothing moved. I was just about to give big kudos to our visitors for their beautifully clandestine “total lights-off” operation, but then it happened – Flashes of light from The Monolith Site. “Come on now!” Even the little green men couldn’t resist the lures of the intergalactic social media? “Stop taking pictures with flashes you posers!” However, if it were the iconic CN Tower in the background that inspired this momentary slippage in the protocol, one would have to fully understand. Just imagine traveling for light years to see one of the modern Seven Wonders of the World and take no picture of it! A selfie seems to be a universal must when it comes to the CN Tower.

The perfectly inconspicuous truck followed by its wing-alien vehicle leaves the park at 04:20am EST. It took our little green men almost two hours to erect the mighty Monolith. One important note to take from this otherworldly operation is the environmentally friendly approach our visitors took to execute their mission! The Monolith was either levitated from the parking lot all the way to the erection site or it must have been carried there on foot. No vehicles seemed to enter the pathways or the surrounding wildlife habitat. Unfortunately, we can’t grant our Toronto city workers the same admiration, as they showed little respect for either alien art or a soul-cleansing, vehicle-free approach.

New Year’s Eve Morning: The monolith was discovered by the first dogs of the day, followed by their humans on the other end of a leash. While the four-legged creatures felt instant urges to sanctify the shiny object by peeing on it, the majority of the human beings didn’t seem to be affected in the same way. Instead, they experienced irresistibly strong impulses to post on social media ASAP. 

Thousands of human pilgrims ventured to the site within the next two days. The full COVID-19 lockdown of the city posed no obstacle to their faith-altering journey. Hundreds of images were being taken each and every minute, with no end to incoming followers in sight. When exhausted media crews finally thought the event could not hold any more interest, a kitesurfer appeared. Like, seriously? Who does this guy think he is to shamelessly photo-bomb thousands of Monolith pictures? Isn’t it enough to deal with dudes who wear shorts all winter, proudly exposing their knees during blizzards? Do we really have to deal with amphibians parading themselves on kites and kayaks in 2-degree water? Get real, people, we need some sense of responsibility here, otherwise the city could shut our Monolith fun down! Oh, wait … they already did.

January 1, 2021: The first day of the new year, and the humans had already failed miserably. The Monolith was vandalized by graffiti, people didn’t socially distance during their pilgrimage to the “sacred site”, and our extraterrestrial visitors must have been scratching their heads trying to see the logic in those actions. However, what happened the following night at the Monolith Site was literally out of this world, no pun intended. Mysterious lights of various shapes started to dance over the Monolith as if in some kind of ritual or communication. As I would not dare to speculate, I turned to modern Flat Earth societies for intelligible answers, but even they seemed to have been taken by surprise. Before you have a look at the video footage below, I need to point out one observation: The duration of the light dancing ritual was precisely the same (about 2 hours) as the time it took to erect the Monolith itself! And behold – out of the cold Toronto night,  the second monolith appeared not far away.

I am not sure if you have the same feeling about the second monolith, but it indeed seems to have been a bit rushed. The surface is rather wrinkled and it either lacks the final, self-healing touches or it was simply left out there in its shipping pajamas. It would have been priceless to find an Amazon Prime label on the wrapper but obviously, advanced civilizations don’t use such basic and slow services. As my fellow kayaker Virgil Cheung put it, “Unveiling Monoliths for Dummies” would certainly have helped.

Universally-permeating, “monolithic” activities during the Covid-19 pandemic, however, don’t always seem to please the eye of the authorities. In spite of the mounting evidence that neither the sheep on a remote Utah desert nor any urban humankind of Toronto suffered from the alien art exhibitions, the city of Toronto unilaterally concluded that the mysterious structures posed a grave danger to our mostly human citizens and they removed both monoliths by January 3^rd, 2021.

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“There is no Universe or Multiverse out there. Everywhere is just one eternal Verse.”

Lukas Novak

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Edit:

Shortly after publishing this article, I received the following anonymous “threat”: